NOTE: Read until the end before making assumptions.
We all hope for that one person that will make us forget about our problems and lead us to a whole new world of pink clouds and butterflies. Well, sorry to disappoint, but that doesn’t exist. There is possible still, for the other person to make you feel loved, understood and precious. Here are a few things I consider important to a partner:
1. Make me feel like I’m the only one
I’m usually a jealous person. Sometimes even overly jealous. There’s no use to talk with or about girls around me. Why would you do that when you’re going out with your girlfriend? Do you think she would like to hear stuff about other girls, or about your past relationships? Coming from your boyfriend’s mouth, this could be really painful. I’d slap him.
2. Listening, not judging
What’s better than a good listener? It’s never a high standard to expect from someone to listen to you. What’s so hard after all to just sit down and shut up? Can’t you be supportive for the one you claim to love? If he’s mistaking problems from drama, that’s an issue, because then I would only feel like he thinks I’m playing the victim role, when all I’m trying to do is to express what I feel, to tell him what I’m going through at that moment. What’s so hard to understand?
3. No blaming each other for the fails, appreciating the efforts instead
When I try to make it better, he shouldn’t blame me if I fail. I wouldn’t blame him either, but I’m a more complicated person, so he should appreciate my efforts a bit more. If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it. I’m a very sensitive person, in need of constant verbal and physical affection. I grew up believing this was wrong, and I never understood why. If a guy can’t cope with this, then he should just step away. I can live on my own. Words of appreciation keep me going. They’re not a must, but they’re important to me. A guy will never change the way I am. Moreover, he’s going to have to take me along with all of my pluses and minuses. Besides, if he will appreciate me and stop blaming me for the wrong things I tried to do right, and if he’ll know to treat me well, I will also be more loving and respectful.
4. Caring and honest
He should care about me even when I’m angry and I mindlessly block him on Messenger. But he shouldn’t be too insistent. He should think about what he did wrong and admit it, not blaming me for acting childish. Honesty comes with a price. Sometimes it’s hurtful. He should know how to filter truths so that they won’t scratch my mind.
5. What’s with the Judge position?
I understand sometimes I can be impossible to put up with. But all the time? Nah. He might like judging, but we’re not in Court. He needs to understand that it’s not my fault for everything. We all have our minuses. We all have something to change about ourselves. We can’t be perfect when we first meet each other, but we need to improve ourselves as the relationship grows, not to let ourselves die on the inside more and more, slowly, day by day.
6. Mature and crazy, not completely out of his mind
I like a bit of adventure going on, a bit of c’mon, let’s see what happens, but it all has a limit. I like a guy with the head on his shoulders, with good manners when in public, polite, sociable and active, but also serious when I have something serious to talk with him. I don’t like to be embarrassed, especially in public, especially with people I know. Being mature means to know when you can joke and when you should stop. That being said, I prefer someone that’s level-headed.
I like someone I can talk to. Someone who’s not afraid of deep conversations and controversial topics. Someone who’s not going to refrain from wiping the tears on my cheek, or to bring me hundreds of napkins as I cry my feelings out. Someone to hold my hands and tell me that everything is going to be okay, as clicheic as it sounds. Someone to caress my back and touch me gently to calm me down. Someone to love even my dark side and someone I won’t be afraid to show my dark side to. I’m a girl with complexes. Complexes I would like to forget while I’m with him. No subtle references to them should be made. I like someone I can be myself with, without feeling like a sack of garbage.
I’d love someone to make me feel special and loved, to hold me in his arms until I completely forget about my problems. Even a few minutes matter to me. Anything that would get me out of the dark… I love someone who would give me advices and ideas, and work with me through my problems, getting interested in their evolution or involution, to see if they’re solved.
9. I told you never helps
I mean who likes that? Not a good idea in a relationship. Even though he is smarter and of a higher lever than me, I’d still prefer nice, kind words, rather than stupid jokes, theatrical or exaggerated behavior. Guys, if you can’t love her, stay away from her. Leave her be.
I’m not a big fan of romance, but who wouldn’t like a perfect date once in a while, red roses with a tiny little sweet message, kind words and gentle touches? I surely couldn’t say no to that…
I have written all these things I find ideal in a relationship, but during my recent experiences I’ve realized that the one who needs to change the most is really me. I needed someone to love me the way I want to. I wanted appreciation and understanding, but never thought of giving it back. And then I heard one of my good friend talking, and that’s what she said: Even if he doesn’t love you the way you want, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t do it with all his heart. This is something that hit me, and I realized I have to give people what I want them to give me. And I figured why not try to be the ideal girlfriend? Why not try to appreciate, understand him and love him more? And this way maybe he’ll change as well, and he’ll do just the same for me.
I’ve been messed up and emotionally destroyed by a relationship I had. My mind got damaged and my trust towards everyone, including myself, was broken. It was so hard for me to deal with that, and it still is. Maybe I’ll write an article about that, if you guys want. Living with hate for the other gender is not an easy thing to do. That’s not living. That’s surviving, while you’re continuously dying on the inside. The thing is, not all guys are the same. This is something I barely got to understand. I’m not perfect, but I’m working. I’m not okay now, but I’m healing. I can’t do it alone. We don’t have to be alone. Relationships are sacred. They are important. They are one of the biggest human need.
Don’t forget: you deserve the best, but in the same time, we’re all humans, and we were all meant to love and to be loved. Give them what you want them to give you, and this way no one can blame you for being the trouble-maker in a relationship. I’m ready to give another chance. Are you?…
Hey peeps! Glad to write again. It’s surely been a while. I found some really cool articles on how to properly solve problems in a relationship and conversation starters to enhance the relationship you have with your partner. I think it’s a good idea to check ’em out. Have a nice day and stay blessed!